Invicta Watches Review

Invicta Watches Review

Postby koimaster » January 8th 2019, 4:42pm

Invicta watches are often thought of as an affordable luxury brand. It’s a way to look fashionable, stay on time, but not need to invest tens of thousands of dollars into a timepiece. If you’re ready to make a statement with your watch, then you’re ready to consider this brand name.

Here’s everything you need to know about this $50 million brand so that you can determine if an Invicta watch is the best watch for your needs.

Calling Pacerguy! Here is a review that you will drool over.


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Re: Invicta Watches Review

Postby foghorn » January 8th 2019, 4:53pm

What hack writes this shit??
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Re: Invicta Watches Review

Postby MKTheVintageBloke » January 8th 2019, 7:34pm

The measure of quality of a whore is said whore's clientele... The Hoedonkeys and their ilk spread their buttcheeks to various JCBs, Sterns and Hayeks. They're like a brothel for the upper sets. TQ, meanwhile, appears to be that drug-addled slag in the back alley, who'll blow off Eyal the Barbarian, the Motherfucking Merm and Mongo for a tenner.

No, no, no, I'm so not going to let this "review" without giving it a proper walloping. The game's afoot! Follow your spirit, and upon this charge...
Invicta watches are often thought of as an affordable luxury brand.

By whom? By people who dwell in trailers and fuck with their cousins?

It’s a way to look fashionable, stay on time

Stay on time? Really? This might be very hard, when the watch is on the ground, because it broke after a day, and water's dripping out of the case after doing the dishes.

If you’re ready to make a statement with your watch, then you’re ready to consider this brand name.

Statement? What statement? Something like "I'm a trailer trash inbred" or "man-love rules?"

Invicta was founded as a brand because there was a belief within its initial investors that a crafted timepiece could be offered at a modest price.

Which Invicta? The old one, maybe, but they weren't on the cheap end of things back in the day.

There is something to be said about a brand or a person who is will to stand up for their principles.

Yes, there is. "Fuck off back to Panama."

The goal is to give everyone who wants a supremely crafted item to be able to experience the care, value, and quality that is contained in every watch that is offered by this brand.

The goal is to sell shit and have people without grey matter wank to it on WITless.

Over 50% of Invicta customers, according to an internal survey published on the brand’s website, own 10+ Invictas...

...dwell in a basement, and cohabit with their own cousins, occasionally also with livestock.

More than 100,000 people are purchasing an Invicta watch every 12 months.

At this rate, Invicta will soon adopt a new slogan: "Our watches are more popular than the clap."

For those who have fully embraced this brand, the Invicta Collector’s Club offers access to a high impact dive case, access to special promotions, and other benefits that are not available to the general market..., for example, a full set of chromosomes.

In 1991, a US-based investment company purchased the brand but kept the corporate headquarters in Switzerland.

Eyal bought the trademark of a cadaver long buried.

It has been making a market impact since the 2000s due to its non-conformist attitude

Yeah, The Mouse's new buddies look like the epitome of non-conformist attitude.

Some Invicta watches have even begun to incorporate skeletonized movements as a way to set the brand apart.

Sorry, chaps, the sweatshops of the heathen land of Cathay have beaten ya to it. Dunno from what does it set Invicters apart, certainly not from their Asian origin...

One of the interesting developments that has come about recently for the Invicta brand is their research and development on a proprietary movement method. With the purchase of a Swiss organization that has established a technical micro-technique for watch movement, the goal of this brand is to create another revolution like the quartz movement revolution.

Sure. There was a quartz revolution, it's time for a fecal rebellion.

As for the actual wear of the Invicta brand, there are two popular watch series that tend to dominate sales: the Pro Diver series and the Lupah series.

Ummm, how is that related to actual wear?

The Pro Diver series does borrow somesteals a fucking truckload from Omega and Rolex for part of their design

There, fixed it for you.

It offers water-resistant or waterproof wear experiences

...similar to experiences offered by a colander.

gives divers critical information they need to know

Two times a day...if you can see through the condensation on the inside of the crystal.

and it still looks good enough to wear in a professional setting.

"Great!", thought Billy Bob the Incest Invictard, "I will look professional in my pigsty, and it'll make my dear cousin wet between the legs."

As for the Lupah series, it is uniquely marketed to Millennials...

...because my generation is not fucked up enough yet.

...and other young professionals.

"I look so professional in this", thought a Lupah owner. Then he got back to reality, and said to his client, "here's your Big Mac, sir!"

If you review many of the forums that are dedicated to those who love watches, then you’ll see that there is a lot of user disdain for this brand. This is because the brand is seen as “cheap” by many who are shopping for a premium watch.

No, it's because a sewer can't exactly smell like roses.

On the other hand, you’ll also find many people who are drawn to Invicta watches because they can receive a premium watch at an affordable price


To determine what Invicta watch could be right for you, it becomes important to focus on 3 specific features.

1.Is your IQ higher than an orangutan's?
2.Do you live in a basement or a trailer?
3.How often do you eat Cheetos?

Under difficult usage conditions, the average lifespan of an Invicta watch is about 2-4 years. This definition includes daily wear, moisture exposure, and impacts. Under regular wear, it is not uncommon for an Invicta watch to be enjoyed for 5+ years.

In other words, consumer electronics are more durable than an Invicter.

To request a warranty repair, Invicta watch owners can approach any authorized store or repair site. You must present your receipt and warranty card to receive a repair that is scheduled quickly. In most situations, it will take 90 days from the approval of the repair to its completion. This is due to the fact that the watch is sent to a master craftsman to complete the repair.

Leak? I see no leak here! - master craftsman at Invicta, right before getting back to munching bananas.

1. Invicta watches provide a good value.

...per pound at the scrapyard.

2. There are several different sizes available.

They're called Sumo Wrestler, Saucer, and "I Use a Mobility Scooter Because I Weigh a Ton."

3. They are very easy to wear.

...around the neck.

4. Even discontinued designs are still available from reputable stores.

Because there's not enough idiots to buy them.

1. Invicta tends to be known for making their larger designs better.

The only things that'd make them better: a hammer, an industrial trash compactor, or a bullet.

2. They can be a heavy watch.

No shit! That's why selling them for scrap can bring some actual profit...

3. Warranty repairs can be lengthy.

Invicter: a watch for generations. What you'll send for a warranty repair, will be sent back to your great-great-grandchildren.

4. Some people will see you in a negative light.

No, they just won't see you at all. "Hmmm, I won't hear anything interesting from you."

An Invicta watch can provide a first-class wearable experience. Give this brand a close look and you will be pleased with what you see.

Awww, come on. Turkish stall owners at a Bodrum bazaar have better slogans. What a pillock.

Aaaarghhh. I may vomit.
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I'd send them all an animated gif of Ron Jeremy sucking his own cock.
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Re: Invicta Watches Review

Postby TemerityB » January 8th 2019, 8:16pm

Great work, MK. As I peruse that site, I noticed the following at the bottom of page one:

Copyright © 2016-2018 Timepiece Quarterly. Privacy Policy. Timepiece Quarterly is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of, Inc. or its affiliates.

So in other words, the whole site is just another click-through scam. I'm starting to believe that the only people who talk about watches online without trying to make a bogus part-time job out of it is, well, us.

Also stuff on the "contact" page:

Patrick Berry, Editor, Timepiece Quarterly

Mail: 510 Clinton Square, Rochester, New York 14604

Telephone: +1 (585) 417 9157

Well, Mr. Berry - yours is the second-biggest POS watch site after Bazinga's!, and it's pretty fucking close.
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Re: Invicta Watches Review

Postby conjurer » January 8th 2019, 10:26pm

This entire thread MMLH.
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