Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

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Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby conjurer » November 25th 2012, 9:55pm

In his gushingly fish-sammich-centered blog, Time 2 Talk Watches, Robert Gottshall, perhaps the worst writer on watches on the planet, reviews a Swiss-made timepiece, a big step-up from his fond musings on Stuhrling, Invicta, and such-like:

http://time2talkwatches.com/Blog/?p=583

In this landmark blog entry, Mr. Gottshall reviews the Arthur Oskar Stampfli Ocean Classique Pearl 1916--which is a mouthful of a name, and with good reason; the Arthur Oskar Stampfli Ocean Classique Pearl 1916 is perhaps the gayest watch in the world:

Image

Naturally, Gottshall goes off the tracks with the very first sentence:

Luxury has a name in the world of high-end timepieces and that name is Arthur Oskar Stampfli.

Who the fuck, you may well ask, is Arthur Oskar Stampfli? Well:

Roland’s father, Arthur Oskar Stampfli was a admire (sic) and collector of fine timepieces. He was a man that worked several years (!) in the watch industry and his passion for watches was only matched by his passion for sports and boating.

In other words, Eyal Lalo with a more fucked-up, Eurotrash name.

Now, Gottshall wouldn't be doing his job if he wasn't mangling the language, such as:

One of Roland’s motivations in creating the brand was to honor his father by naming his creation after him.

And:

Watch collecting is truly a tradition that gets passed down from generation to generation and it is has shown to be a way to spend time with fathers and sons bringing us closer together.

Also:

Roland is one of the most talented individuals I have had the pleasure to speak with, he is an artist and a craftsman like no other. Roland’s art just so happens to tell time! There is a story behind each watch that Roland creates and a true desire to pass on his vision. I do not use the word “built” because I truly believe that Roland creates just as a sculptor or a painter.

OK, of course now I'm just being bitchy. So Gottshall can't write a decent sentence, he's fucking stupid, blah blah blah. I could just as well cut and paste the entire review and seem like a total asshole, but let's look at what he thinks of the totally gay Arthur Oskar Stampfli Ocean Classique Pearl 1916:

Each every detail of this watch was thought out, designed, and manufactured with purpose and quality. I can honestly say I have never held its equal. This is a timepiece that impresses your senses, the feel of quality and craftsmanship and the vision of a true work of art.

And Gottshall means a real work of art, not like the appalling Invicta DNA Coke can watch he was so enamored with a few months ago:

http://watchlords.forumotion.net/t18813-robert-gattshall-strokes-off-eyal-and-gets-a-load-on-his-wrist

But Gottshall bogs down, as one will when confronted with a true work of art:

I find it difficult to list off the specifications of this timepiece due to the shear nature of this creation. One wouldn’t ramble on about the dimensions of the Mona Lisa, would they?

Well, the Mona Lisa is 77 cm x 53 cm, but I don't want to ramble on.

He continues:

Arthur Oskar Stampfli timepieces are cutting edge in both design and the materials used to create them. From the extra hard aluminum with GL oxidation to the solid 18k gold used on their gold pieces to the high-end Swiss Made automatic movements to their Swiss Made tourbillons.

Swiss made tourbillons? Holy shit! Gottshall has really graduated from Invictas with pieces of garbage for dials. Interestingly, I googled Arthur Oskar Stampfli timepieces and found not much more than a unuseable website and some blog entries, none of which tell me where these monumentally gay pieces of shit are sold, or how much they are, or, well, anything, really.

I suppose I should lay off Robert Gottshall; after all, he's really just a regular jamoke trying to get by, by stroking off TV watch salesmen so he can get some free shit and publishing, without bothering to edit or proofread his maudlin blog entries, bullshit reviews that turn one's stomach. And, 57 people liked his review of the thrillingly gay Arthur Oskar Stampfli Ocean Classique Pearl 1916!
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


--Temerity, to Mr. Neckbeard.
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Re: Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby codguy » November 26th 2012, 4:02am

If the watch was fourteen pounds heavier it might make a mediocre boat anchor.

This Robert guy is quite the nutswinger.
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Re: Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby Darksider » December 6th 2012, 7:45am

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Re: Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby TemerityB » December 6th 2012, 10:06am

Don't lay off, Conj. Seriously, don't lay off that blog. Frankly, I'm curious to know what someone like betterskills thinks of it - now, there are two blogs that are like night and day, dontcha think?

And hey - we all make typos. But Mr. G is a walking typo; he has no business writing his name in the sand with a stick, let alone a blog about anything at all.
Since many people weren't in lockstep with his beloved cheese box shit watch brand, The Cruise King ran off blowing snot bubbles, far away from his once-beloved forum. Here, eat this mudpie, Paw Paw. It tastes like a Hershey bar. Go ahead, dig in.
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Re: Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby Watch Noob » December 6th 2012, 10:43am

I'm beginning to think Betterskills = Conjurer

John, comment?
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Re: Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby conjurer » December 6th 2012, 11:10am

Watch Noob wrote:I'm beginning to think Betterskills = Conjurer

John, comment?


Not me, unfortunately. Betterskills is a better writer as well as somebody who bothers to do research!
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


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Re: Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby conjurer » December 6th 2012, 11:11am

TemerityB wrote:Don't lay off, Conj. Seriously, don't lay off that blog. Frankly, I'm curious to know what someone like betterskills thinks of it - now, there are two blogs that are like night and day, dontcha think?

And hey - we all make typos. But Mr. G is a walking typo; he has no business writing his name in the sand with a stick, let alone a blog about anything at all.


Thanks, T. When Mr. "Endless Paragraph" Gattshall wants to post something particularly stupid, I'll report.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


--Temerity, to Mr. Neckbeard.
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Re: Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby AntFarm » December 6th 2012, 1:52pm

This guy is crazy and stupid and doesn't know how to write worth a damn.... And, that is one ugly fucking watch. It belongs in this thread...

http://watchlords.forumotion.net/t19316-ugliest-watch-of-2012-non-invicta-category-your-nominations-please
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Re: Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby koimaster » January 1st 2013, 9:43pm

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1946-2006

“Your heart was warm and happy

With the lilt of Irish laughter

Every day and in every way

Now forever and ever after."
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Re: Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby koimaster » June 29th 2018, 11:32pm

:P
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1946-2006

“Your heart was warm and happy

With the lilt of Irish laughter

Every day and in every way

Now forever and ever after."
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Re: Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby conjurer » June 30th 2018, 8:48am

For all the newbs here, back in 2012 or so I discovered a wartche reevoo blog by a guy named Robert Gattshall. He was a Geek of the first order, reviewing various shit spawned from the TeeVee Wartche Triangle down Florida way. He was brain-damaged in various ways, and seemed almost physically unable to use commas in his prose; he also was a master at the mixed metaphor and various misspellings, much like our own Bazinga!.

Anyway, his blog entries were endlessly entertaining, although barely read by anybody but me and Temerity, since we liked breaking his balls so much (Jason_recliner also got into the act, with much hilarity.) His blog vanished sometime later, remembered only in our memories and my humble reviews of his reviews, posted in various places here at WL. For quite a while, his name became nearly synonymous with Geekdom as a whole. Interestingly, I just did a Google Image search of his name, and came up with this:

Image

Where the second picture is an image from one of my threads here.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


--Temerity, to Mr. Neckbeard.
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Re: Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby conjurer » June 30th 2018, 8:52am

Also, I am using Robert Gattshall's image as my new avatar!
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


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Re: Robert Gottshall Goes Upmarket!

Postby Hawk » June 30th 2018, 9:04am

Ah. Them were the days.
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