I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

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I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby conjurer » July 23rd 2018, 2:33pm

Greetings from the UK you planks. This is your British correspondent and flower of English Boyhood, leftenant Dirtbox you cocks. Well things are going well for me you fucking gits. I made a packet at the ponies the other day the cocks; my batman Bronko, who happens to know some of the bohunk jockies and trainers and whatnot the plank put me on to a couple sure things and I went to a couple of shysters in the City and got a ton of dosh and what do you know? Bronko was right the cock. So Dirty's got some cash in pocket, and its burning a hole there, no error. 'What can you do for me then leftenant' sez Bronko, the cheeky fuck, so I reported him to the CO as late for parade and now the bohunks in cells, doing a fortnight so he can find the error of his ways the plank. 'Fuck you me lad' sez I as the sargt major slammed the gate on the saucy fellow the cock.

Anyway, with my extra dosh I thought Id get a new watch, viz, a rollecks to replace my Tooter Grandtour which is getting a little long in the tooth the fuck, what with chasing after Johnny Taliban down Kandahar way (or more exactly running from the kat-krazed fuckers, like). So I thought Id ask you ancient plank fucks what sort of rolley I should get you fucks that fits in with my fine military career, and sew Fourth.

Love and kisses, Sir Reginald Dirtbox, OBE, VC.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


--Temerity, to Mr. Neckbeard.
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby foghorn » July 23rd 2018, 2:43pm

Get a Smiths Everest and then drop the fuck dead.
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby conjurer » July 23rd 2018, 2:46pm

foghorn wrote:Get a Smiths Everest and then drop the fuck dead.


Their goes the old Bird again brakeing my Balls and such the cock. I figgered hed chime in the plank. its A good thing for you that Im getting my knob polished by a fine bird right now, or Id hop a flight from Amerika and smear some cooking fat over youre revolting arse and have my way with you you plank fuck.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby foghorn » July 23rd 2018, 2:48pm

Yup.OK.Uh-Huh.
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby smellody » July 23rd 2018, 2:48pm

I'd recomend a gold subamariner with a serti dial for a man of your background and breeding.
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby MKTheVintageBloke » July 23rd 2018, 2:55pm

Get a diamond-set Ghey-Date, Dirty. It's an excellent weapon against Johnny Taliban. Should you ever find yourself in a wee bit of a pickle with some Jihadist wogs with rather nefarious intentions, the shockwave of bling and gheyness emitted by the Ghey-Date will put the fear of God in the heathens.
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby conjurer » July 23rd 2018, 3:38pm

smellody wrote:I'd recomend a gold subamariner with a serti dial for a man of your background and breeding.


Well thankee you fucking plank. I always thought that you were the least fucking bad of the planks on this so called forum of pillocks.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


--Temerity, to Mr. Neckbeard.
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby conjurer » July 23rd 2018, 3:40pm

MKTheVintageBloke wrote:Get a diamond-set Ghey-Date, Dirty. It's an excellent weapon against Johnny Taliban. Should you ever find yourself in a wee bit of a pickle with some Jihadist wogs with rather nefarious intentions, the shockwave of bling and gheyness emitted by the Ghey-Date will put the fear of God in the heathens.


Well thats some good advise you git. Luckily I shant be rotating back to that fucking cesspool of fucking Pakis and shit for a long while especially since I snagged a soft billet on the staff of the Guards the cocks.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby artman » July 23rd 2018, 3:47pm

Get a Panerai like my hero Sylvester Stallone. Real men want to be like Sly! That fine Italian leather would look good on your pasty skin.
http://www.horologue.com/sylvester-stal ... i-watches/
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby iwasbanned » July 23rd 2018, 4:13pm

I assume you're Navy man. Only one watch:

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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby Thunder1 » July 23rd 2018, 4:16pm

Lay your hands on an Ebel Chronosport & be a man like Sonny Crockett..
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby conjurer » July 23rd 2018, 4:20pm

artman wrote:Get a Panerai like my hero Sylvester Stallone. Real men want to be like Sly! That fine Italian leather would look good on your pasty skin.
http://www.horologue.com/sylvester-stal ... i-watches/


Hah thats a laff you pillock. Stallonnes brane damaged the fuck from all the shots to his head whilst making Rocky the plank. Besides I wont wear a watch maid by some Eye-tie the wogs.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby conjurer » July 23rd 2018, 4:22pm

iwasbanned wrote:I assume you're Navy man. Only one watch:

Image


The only thing the Navy thinks about is rum sodomy and the fucking lash the poofters. Its not queer unless the boats tied to the pier the arsebandits. Theyre the only service that gets a ration of cooking fat to slather on there puckered situpons. I do like the Sub but Id rather it was Bluto on the dial the cock.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


--Temerity, to Mr. Neckbeard.
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby conjurer » July 23rd 2018, 4:23pm

Thunder1 wrote:Lay your hands on an Ebel Chronosport & be a man like Sonny Crockett..


I like Mr Crockett. He shot squirrels and et em and then kilt plenty of Mexicanos at the Alamo the murderous bastard.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby AlbertaTime » July 23rd 2018, 4:51pm

Datejust II, stick indices, blue dial, either bezel.

There. Done.
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby conjurer » July 23rd 2018, 5:09pm

AlbertaTime wrote:Datejust II, stick indices, blue dial, either bezel.

There. Done.


That isnt a bad idea you pillock. I can tell your Kanadian beacuase you arent as fucking stupid as most of the planks on this forum. I knew some kanadians in Kandahar whilst playing long innings with Johnny Jihad, and most of em were jolly good gits the fucks.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby Thunder1 » July 23rd 2018, 6:36pm

conjurer wrote:
Thunder1 wrote:Lay your hands on an Ebel Chronosport & be a man like Sonny Crockett..


I like Mr Crockett. He shot squirrels and et em and then kilt plenty of Mexicanos at the Alamo the murderous bastard.

Er, uh, the 'Miami Vice' Sonny Crockett..he didn't shoot squirrels, but he did eat beavers..
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby conjurer » July 23rd 2018, 6:56pm

Thunder1 wrote:
conjurer wrote:
Thunder1 wrote:Lay your hands on an Ebel Chronosport & be a man like Sonny Crockett..


I like Mr Crockett. He shot squirrels and et em and then kilt plenty of Mexicanos at the Alamo the murderous bastard.

Er, uh, the 'Miami Vice' Sonny Crockett..he didn't shoot squirrels, but he did eat beavers..


Fess Parker was a great actor you plank. He came over the pond and played Henry Vee at the old Bailey and there wasnt a dry seat in the house the cock.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby relaxer7 » July 24th 2018, 5:11am

I'd settle on an Explorer II me laddo. Second time zone can be handy, and if you know how it can be used as a rudimentary compass and it's under the radar and it's got a big pointy Orange fucking hand.
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby foghorn » July 24th 2018, 5:49am

conjurer wrote:
Fess Parker was a great actor you plank. He came over the pond and played Henry Vee at the old Bailey and there wasnt a dry seat in the house the cock.




Lyer!! Festus Parker wood never go to Robert Englund he wus Amercun thru and thru and also was Daniel Boom who coud kik DV Krokkits ass.


Daniel Boone was a man.The cock. Yes a big man.
With an eye like an eagle and as tall as a mountain was he.
Daniel Boone was a man.The cock. Yes a big man.
He was brave, he was fearless and as tough as a mighty oak tree.


Goddammitt!!!
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby gerdson » July 24th 2018, 6:25am

Thunder1 wrote:...he didn't shoot squirrels, but he did eat beavers..

:mrgreen:

About the watch for You, Sir Pillbox, I would recommend a Prolex. Unbeknownst to many, Prolex stands for "Professional Rolex", though somehow the company doesn't advertise with that.

E.g. I would recommend this one, it even has a Unicorn on the dial. Anyone can lay any virgin with such a Unicorn on their wrist watch dial, I mean seriously - even You could. The wimmin will fall for anything with a fucking Unicorn.
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby MKTheVintageBloke » July 24th 2018, 7:24am

conjurer wrote:Fess Parker was a great actor you plank. He came over the pond and played Henry Vee at the old Bailey and there wasnt a dry seat in the house the cock.

Dirty, you pillock! The Old Bailey is a fucking court! Central Criminal Court of England and Wales, you plank! The theatre's called the Old Vic...
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby conjurer » July 24th 2018, 9:47am

relaxer7 wrote:I'd settle on an Explorer II me laddo. Second time zone can be handy, and if you know how it can be used as a rudimentary compass and it's under the radar and it's got a big pointy Orange fucking hand.


I wouldnt mind this one as Prince Hairy has one and hes not a Nancy boy.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby conjurer » July 24th 2018, 9:47am

gerdson wrote:
Thunder1 wrote:...he didn't shoot squirrels, but he did eat beavers..

:mrgreen:

About the watch for You, Sir Pillbox, I would recommend a Prolex. Unbeknownst to many, Prolex stands for "Professional Rolex", though somehow the company doesn't advertise with that.

E.g. I would recommend this one, it even has a Unicorn on the dial. Anyone can lay any virgin with such a Unicorn on their wrist watch dial, I mean seriously - even You could. The wimmin will fall for anything with a fucking Unicorn.
https://global.rakuten.com/en/store/closer01/item/375122/


That ones a nice one you Jerry plank.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


--Temerity, to Mr. Neckbeard.
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Re: I Need Some Advice Over Here You Fucks

Postby conjurer » July 24th 2018, 9:48am

MKTheVintageBloke wrote:
conjurer wrote:Fess Parker was a great actor you plank. He came over the pond and played Henry Vee at the old Bailey and there wasnt a dry seat in the house the cock.

Dirty, you pillock! The Old Bailey is a fucking court! Central Criminal Court of England and Wales, you plank! The theatre's called the Old Vic...


Being as Im usually defending the Realm I dont get out to the theatre a lot you spastic fuck.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


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