Page 1 of 1

The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

PostPosted: September 17th 2017, 7:53pm
by conjurer
Image

So I was heading down to the Dog 'n' Suds on the corner of Sikh and Fifth for a vegi-burger--yum-oh, as the cooking flake with great tits on the TV says--and I run into my old pal, Tensing Nooma.

"Hey, Tensing! The fuck you doing, bro?"

And he says, "Greetings, your holiness! And what's the 14th Dalai Lama up to today?"

I notice that Tensing is wearing, for fuck's sakes, an Invicta--one of those big-ass ones that looks like a limpet mine. So I kinda sorta shoot the cuff of my saffron robe to kinda scratch my bald head, and expose my Patek, ref. 658. And Tensing, who ain't ever gonna split the atom, if you get my drift, says, "Dang, Dalai, that's a nice watch. What is that, one of those Kansas City Pocket Watches you see on TV?"

Now, since I've known the fuck, Tensing has always specialized in breaking my balls. Today, evidently, wasn't gonna be no exception. So I say, "Tensing, you know who gave me this watch? Franklin Delano fucking Roosevelt gave me this watch, you cocksucker, and it ain't no fucking Kansas City Pocket watch, you dizzy fuck."

"No? What is it, then?"

"It's a motherfucking Patek moonphase with complete calendar, you dipshit."

"Wow. What's the holiest man in Tibet wearing something like that for? I mean, you could hock the thing, and use the money to spare the lives of thousands of cows! Then, you could buy an Invicta like this--which is just as good--and use it against the People's Army when they come to reeducate you."

"Aww, go fuck yourself, Tensing. Don't you have a turban to coil or something? Go ahead and do some fucking thing."

"Next thing you know," said Tensing, who apparently didn't want to go do some fucking thing, "you'll be wearing a Rolex. You'll be stylin' and profilin'."

"I got two Rollies, you fuckhead. A Day-Date and a Datejust, you homo."

"Would Lord Vishnu wear a Rolex?" said Tensing. He started laughing really hard, so I kicked him in the balls and then went into the greasy spoon for a satisfying vegi-burger.

THE END

Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

PostPosted: September 18th 2017, 5:26am
by biglove
That is one fine story, sir.

Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

PostPosted: September 18th 2017, 6:33am
by foghorn
Hello Dalai,nice to see you here.

Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

PostPosted: September 18th 2017, 8:01am
by Falstaff
The great stories just keep coming! Jeebus, don't you Everest?

Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

PostPosted: September 18th 2017, 4:57pm
by conjurer
Interestingly, when I wrote this, I was dead sober.

Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

PostPosted: September 18th 2017, 5:05pm
by 3Flushes
That made me smile broadly-

Patek made him one with everything (sorry).

Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

PostPosted: September 19th 2017, 2:56pm
by AntFarm
That was very funny. Nice job.

Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

PostPosted: September 19th 2017, 7:39pm
by TemerityB
The "THE END" made me laugh so hard, I plotzed. Nothing like a Three Stooge ending to fine prose!

Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

PostPosted: September 20th 2017, 1:35am
by relaxer7
Seems legit lolz.

Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

PostPosted: February 9th 2019, 11:02am
by conjurer
Bump, because I'm bored.

Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

PostPosted: February 9th 2019, 11:12am
by codguy
conjurer wrote:Bump, because I'm bored.



Nice avatar conj! I'm thinking I've seen that feline somewhere before........

Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

PostPosted: February 9th 2019, 1:26pm
by tomsimac
Is snowed in and bored mean the same now?

I was trying to follow that story, who was the Dali? And don't all big time religious guys wear Rolex and Pateks on each wrist?

Oh, and which wrist, would a Muslim wear his watch? That confuses me oh literate one.

Still like your avatar from 10 years ago. just saying