Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Postby conjurer » March 12th 2013, 10:45am

Robert Gattshall, the Dan Brown of internet watch reviewers, gets a fresh pair of balls to tongue--these being Russian, or Lithuanian, or something:

http://time2talkwatches.com/Blog/?p=833#more-833

Wherein Mr. Gattshall, who apparently has never gotten a watch that doesn't make him scream like Jamie Gillis delivering a Money Shot, reviews the VE Lunokhod 2. Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I bought a Lunokhod back in the old days when I thought Russian watches were Kool and not overpriced trinkets which most of them are. But this is a new Lunokhod, because:

the movement from Soprod Switzerland and the teaming up between a Swiss Movement manufacture and Russian inspired watch maker. Soprod Switzerland is a leading Swiss Made movement manufacture and is part of the Festina Group Switzerland group.

Thanks for the insight, Robert. So, the Lunokhod isn't really Russian, but Russian-inspired (as if this is a good thing) and the movement is a quartzie from Switzerland, made by Soprod, which is part of the Festina Group Switzerland Group. OK, that's pretty clear.

Now, it wouldn't be a Robert Gattshall review without some opaque writing, and, interestingly, he also includes a large helping of redundancy as well:

Completing this review in between the months of February and March made me truly appreciate the technology built into this watch. As your collection grows, has mine has, it becomes a task to change each timepiece for months that do not end in 31 days. Considering it was February all of my collection was in line to have the correct day, date, and month set. Well all except the Vostok-Europe Lunokhod that is. This is because you can set this timepiece to know where it is, in time, in relationship to leap year. This allows the Lunokhod to know how many days are in each month, including in a leap year.

Wow. Kool. But Mr. Gattshall needs to tell us how the VE actually works, since most Geeks won't bother with the instruction booklet:

The crown on the Lunokhud is basically the option toggle that allows one to chose which complication you would like to use. Starting from the main time position the first press of the option button/crown allows you to view the secondary time zone. The next option is the hour countdown timer, followed by the day countdown timer which are accessible with another push or two of the crown. Lastly, the option hand snaps up to the top for use of the chronograph complication. Although this timepiece does function slightly different than most other watches, the chronograph operates as you would expect it to. The top function pusher is the start/stop for the chronograph and the bottom function pusher is the reset. This option hand also serves as a AM/PM indicator in either time zone.

Got it? I didn't, but I didn't want to endure reading this paragraph again, and anyways, I'm not about to buy the fucking watch, anyhow.

But naturally the movement isn't the only Great Thing about this Very Interesting Watch:

Along with a very impressive movement the Lunokhod features a unidirectional rotating bezel, helium release valve, T-25 Tritium Tubes and interchangeable straps. There isn’t a whole lot missing with this when it comes to the Lunokhod. It comes well packaged in a mini diver’s case along with three straps and a strap changing tool.

Again with the redundancy! But Mr. Gattshall, who is clearly a big fan of watch straps, has to address this wonderful value-added deal again, further down the blog:

The Lunokhod comes with 2 silicon straps as well as a leather strap with color matching stitching. All straps are high quality and look fantastic. Vostok-Europe includes a tool to easily replace the straps depending on what look you’re in the mood for.

And, to make sure that Craig Hester has gotten his balls tongued adequately, Mr. Gattshall wraps up with:

The Vostok-Europe Lunokhod is a very impressive timepiece with a multitude of complications. It is a sharp looking timepiece that is every bit a professional dive watch. This well made, high quality timepiece features ground breaking technology with its Sopord Swiss Made movement. As previously stated this is my first look at a Vostok-Europe Timepiece but it won’t be my last. A perfect combination of what can be accomplished when Russian inspired and Swiss horologist team up.

I don't know about you guys, but with this write-up on the books, I'm going to buy some stock in Vostok-Europe!
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


--Temerity, to Mr. Neckbeard.
User avatar
conjurer
ASSHAT & Master of Time
 
Posts: 27918
Joined: July 13th 2010, 10:00pm

Re: Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Postby TemerityB » March 12th 2013, 10:55am

Robert Gattshall has as much business writing watch reviews as I do starring in porn films.

A serious comment: What a joke. At least you can laugh at Eddie Phluff; Gattshall makes me want to gouge my own eyes out with an Exacto blade.
I would rather be seen wearing an Invicta than a Hublot - at least I can explain away the Invicta.
User avatar
TemerityB
ASSHAT
 
Posts: 14721
Joined: June 12th 2010, 10:00pm
Location: New York City

Re: Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Postby Tzimisces » March 12th 2013, 10:56am

It does read a lot like Dan Brown, I must admit.
“He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.”
User avatar
Tzimisces
Senior Member & WIS
 
Posts: 4860
Joined: August 10th 2010, 10:00pm
Location: Amelia, VA

Re: Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Postby Hawk » March 12th 2013, 11:13am

Excellent review of a review as always.

I checked out the original and was nonplussed to note that the author has apparently discovered paragraphs. One wonders if he isn't reviewing your reviews of his reviews and making adjustments accordingly.

And, not to cross-pollinate threads or anything, but that watch-shaped object in the review has T-25 tubes like I'm a fucking ballerina.
And the fact I'm still living rent free in his head makes me grin and giggle.
...bobbee
User avatar
Hawk
ASSHAT
 
Posts: 8456
Joined: October 8th 2010, 10:00pm
Location: Orlando, FL

Re: Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Postby JAS1125 » March 12th 2013, 11:35am

I have one of the older versions, bought when JTV had a computer snafu and the prices were stupid low.

Not a bad watch and easy to wear.....not a fan of the new model, but this putz sure is.

Wonder if he gets freebies to keep when he does his "review"?

Image
Image
User avatar
JAS1125
Watchlord WIS
 
Posts: 2300
Joined: January 29th 2013, 11:00pm

Re: Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Postby Luftwafflles » March 12th 2013, 2:49pm

Never did get the Russian love, and since many of these "Russian" watches have Swiss or Japanese movements, they're about as Russkie as Tojo. Not to mention that the majority of any products they make, end up looking like a 1930's farm tractor.
We called another exterminator to take care of the rat problem in the basement. This one hasn't come out either.







.
User avatar
Luftwafflles
Senior Member & WIS
 
Posts: 3056
Joined: July 9th 2012, 10:00pm
Location: Near the motor city..

Re: Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Postby koimaster » March 12th 2013, 2:53pm

Hawk wrote:
I'm a fucking ballerina.



Image
Image

1946-2006

“Your heart was warm and happy

With the lilt of Irish laughter

Every day and in every way

Now forever and ever after."
User avatar
koimaster
Administrator/Founder
 
Posts: 35891
Joined: December 16th 2009, 11:00pm
Location: Oregon

Re: Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Postby Heathen » March 12th 2013, 3:24pm

That's Lunokhod 2 (Lunokhod = Луноход = Moonwalker) by Vostok. Here is Lunokhod by Konstantin Chaykin with all the Russian grace and understated elegance:

Image
Heathen
Senior Member & WIS
 
Posts: 62
Joined: February 8th 2013, 11:00pm
Location: Silicon Valley

Re: Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Postby arubalou » March 12th 2013, 4:29pm

JAS1125 wrote:I have one of the older versions, bought when JTV had a computer snafu and the prices were stupid low.

Not a bad watch and easy to wear.....not a fan of the new model, but this putz sure is.

Wonder if he gets freebies to keep when he does his "review"?

Image


looks sort of like a older zodiac
arubalou
Watchlord WIS
 
Posts: 422
Joined: April 26th 2010, 10:00pm

Re: Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Postby conjurer » March 12th 2013, 9:18pm

Hawk wrote:Excellent review of a review as always.

I checked out the original and was nonplussed to note that the author has apparently discovered paragraphs. One wonders if he isn't reviewing your reviews of his reviews and making adjustments accordingly.

And, not to cross-pollinate threads or anything, but that watch-shaped object in the review has T-25 tubes like I'm a fucking ballerina.


Thanks for the kind words, Hawk.

Interestingly, Gattshall also did a recent review of the new Borschett Reef Ranger:

http://time2talkwatches.com/Blog/?p=821

That wasn't totally fucking awful. It is a frightening thought that he's actually trying to improve his appalling writing, or at least letting somebody do some sort of editing for him.
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


--Temerity, to Mr. Neckbeard.
User avatar
conjurer
ASSHAT & Master of Time
 
Posts: 27918
Joined: July 13th 2010, 10:00pm

Re: Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Postby conjurer » October 25th 2018, 10:44am

Robert Gattshall bump!
I checked you out, and I now want you to take the journey to lick my taint. It's small, but vast.


--Temerity, to Mr. Neckbeard.
User avatar
conjurer
ASSHAT & Master of Time
 
Posts: 27918
Joined: July 13th 2010, 10:00pm

Re: Robert Gattshall Reviews Vostok-Europe!

Postby koimaster » October 25th 2018, 11:08am

Image

1946-2006

“Your heart was warm and happy

With the lilt of Irish laughter

Every day and in every way

Now forever and ever after."
User avatar
koimaster
Administrator/Founder
 
Posts: 35891
Joined: December 16th 2009, 11:00pm
Location: Oregon


Return to General Watch talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests