Twas the night before WISmas

Twas the night before WISmas

Postby Darksider » February 1st 2010, 11:49am

Composed by an honored WIS Boscoe.

Satire with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore

Twas the night before WISmas and all through the Net
People were asking: Is WTW dead yet?
The watches were parked on winders with care
In hopes that St. Lior soon would be there

The kids were nestled all snug in their carts
Filling the room with nasty pug farts
I in my Rolex and Mrs. B in her Cartier
Had just settled down for some serious foreplay

When out on the lawn there arose such a reek
I knew it was The Skelton, that smarmy, fat geek
Away to the window, rifle in hand
I was determined to make Boscoe’s Last Stand

The moon on the dial of his VJ Seven Seven Five One
Made me wish I’d grabbed a more powerful gun
Caught in the crosshairs, he looked like a deer
And his Hawaiian shirt made him seem pretty queer.

Slick as an eel, he dove for deep cover
I knew when he moved, he was Tim Temple’s lover
More rapid than eagles, his crime partners came
He smirked, and shouted, and called them by name:

Now Michael! Now Eyal! Now Larry and Wing!
If you tell enough lies, you can sell anything!
To reign on cable! To reign on TV!
All you must do is prevaricate like me!

And then in a nano, I heard on the tube
An SNBC testimonial from a goofy old rube
I rushed to the toilet, choking back bile
While Skelton wiped tears, crocodile style

He sat behind a table all covered in junk
Touting leather straps cut from a skunk
A stout new cast covered his wrist
An injury suffered giving his meat a twist

His glasses how thick, his hair how thin
Turkey-like jowls and a soft double chin
His lying lips drawn up in a sneer
His contempt for his fanbois was perfectly clear

A SubAquaNoma he clenched in his mitt
He didn’t care that the product was shit
Ignoring the hands that fell off the watch
He insisted the design was stolen by Swatch

He was evil and sleazy, a lying machine
The stench of his fibs would stun a latrine
Baiting customers like mindless fish
He revealed the watch was entirely Swish!

He refused to be silenced, thinking it funny
Eager to plunder more and more money
Just when his patter had grown quite shallow
Into the studio strolled muscle-bound Lalo

Skelton sprang from his chair to kiss Lalo’s butt
I decided I’d had enough of this nut
But I heard him exclaim as I turned off the set:
“Pick up on this now and go deeper in debt!”
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