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2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 7th 2015, 12:25pm
by conjurer
Welcome to the final auction for the Shriners Hospitals for Children! These are the last lots for this season--I apologize in advance for the poor quality of the pictures, but we're having another bout of heavy rain here in the PacNW, and these are the best I could do with crappy outside lighting.

1) Suunto Mosquito:

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There's a lot of fighting between Suunto and G-Shock fanbois. This is the first Suuny I've held, and it's pretty nice. Size is 49mm, 55mm top to bottom, 16mm thick. I honestly haven't messed around with this one much, but it looks cool. Comes with Suunto cardboard box and strap extension.

2) NFW Regulator:

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A nice big and heavy quartz sports watch, model number 01605, the donor informs me that the crown "doesn't catch much thread but locks." In very good condition with some slight wear on the gunmetal color plating. Size is 44.25mm across, 49mm with crown, 15.25mm thick. Comes without box or papers, has a couple of extra links.

3) Raketa 24hr Watch:

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This one's a handcranker that apparently needs service--I can't get it going. Size is 40mm across, 42mm with crown, 10.75mm thick. Comes as watch head only, no strap, springbars, box or papers. A cool novelty from the old USSR, one of the tinkerers out there!

4) Casio Alarm Chronograph:

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Just a cool, well made field watch. A nice ani-digi quartzie, from a great company, 45mm, 47mm with crown, 12mm thick. Nice rubber strap, 100 meter WR. No box or papers.

5) Elgin Steel Chrono:

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Another cool throwback, a quartz chronograph that does many things, none of which I've tried out. Sized very small (I couldn't buckle it on my wrist) but probably fine for kids or ladies other than Jill Summersausage, no extra links, no box or papers. Size is 40mm, 10.25mm thick. Nice gold plating that shows some modest wear. No box or papers.

6) Android Divemaster:

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Just in tyme for Master Wing's triumphant return to the watch trade, here's a big ol' Android (model AD825) that you can celebrate with. All kidding aside, it's much better made than any Android I've seen, with decent metalwork and dial. It is, however, really fucking big: 45mm, 49mm with crown, 15mm thick. A nice bracelet on it too, without extra links, but should fit up to a 6.75-7 inch wrist. Rated to 200 meters WR. No box or papers.

OK, so here are the rules: All members may bid. High bid wins. To bid, please post in this thread or PM me--however, I may be late posting PM bids due to my extended hours at work. All sales final. Payment by Paypal only. The auction will run until Sunday, 12/13, ending at 8:00PM Pacific time. All proceeds will be donated to the Shriners Hospitals for Children http://www.shrinershospitalsforchildren.org. Winners please add $5 to winning bid to help cover shipping costs. I will get winner's watches in the mail (USPS Priority) ASAP after getting funds. Feel free to bump/break balls/etc in this thread, but radio silence to be maintained during final hour except for bids.

So, that's it, Lords and Ladies. This is the final auction for the holiday. Remember, it's for the sick kids in the hospital, so let's make this one count!

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 7th 2015, 4:40pm
by Racer-X
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Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 7th 2015, 5:09pm
by Ofcmark
$30.00 on the NFW Regulator

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 7th 2015, 5:24pm
by TemerityB
I'll start it off with a $15 swat at the Mosquito.

Worth it just to get to type that in.


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Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 8th 2015, 3:04am
by Mortuus
Fiddeen dolers 4the Raketter wartch, pleez, Конжэрор... 10Q4D 8-) wartch ock shunn

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 8th 2015, 12:46pm
by gerdson
Fiddeen, You tschiep sunnuffabitsch?
I do a 25 kopeyka on the Paкéтa.

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 8th 2015, 12:58pm
by Mortuus
No need to be a namenkallungbungholeninfekzionsladenschmukzenn, Gerdy...
...butt zince it don't verken unt needze surveeceschtallen unt schize, ewe may haff it, schotzie. :roll:

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 8th 2015, 1:00pm
by conjurer
Bid in American, goddamn it!!

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 8th 2015, 1:02pm
by Mortuus
Twenny-five doll hairs & fiddy-five scents. Howzzat fer ainglisch? Dammed plank.

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 8th 2015, 1:04pm
by conjurer
OK. I can understand that. Carry on, you old cock!

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 8th 2015, 1:08pm
by Mortuus
I am knot uh caulk, yew vaarking olde plank!!

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 8th 2015, 2:04pm
by gerdson
Dafook, was shiß izz dis? Cock'n'plank verdammt, cock'n'plank.
33,33 of the green billy boys then. Und datz my fynyl word. Word!

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 8th 2015, 7:42pm
by Mortuus
Listen here, you scheißty-scheiben, das is nicht yore votch, ewe olde plankeschafft! Butt sense yew haßt dunne ziss unt bidßt halott, heil lettchew havvit sews ewe c'n say ust own a Rooßkee wristenvotchenrooskihabenzeeßeinekleinenachtpennisgeschaften, und so weiter. :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :geek: :o :geek: :geek: <--------------------Deutschen Plankenscheißen.

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 8th 2015, 7:48pm
by Mortuus
Oh, twenny-FIFE doll-herr's & thurty-sebben centavos Umuriccan Curntsy four the Suuuuuuuuntowwww mosque-ito! Ewe olde butt pluggensie... :?

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 10th 2015, 11:46am
by conjurer
Bids thus far:

Suunto: $15, Temerity

NFW: $30, ofcmark

Raketa: twenny-FIFE doll-herr's & thurty-sebben centavos Umuriccan, Mort. (This translates to $25.37 from Geek Speak.)

Casio: No bids

Elgin: No bids

Android: No bids.

Three days and nine hours to go. Let's get some money raised, you fucking planks!

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 10th 2015, 12:03pm
by gerdson
Du Planke! Can'st You nothing rightget?
Mort's ge-offer für the Suunto is, verdammt! !!!

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 10th 2015, 1:46pm
by conjurer
gerdson wrote:Du Planke! Can'st You nothing rightget?
Mort's ge-offer für the Suunto is, verdammt! !!!


Danke, hair guardsen!

Bids thus far, updated for those who don't speak like planks:

Suunto: twenny-FIFE doll-herr's & thurty-sebben centavos Umuriccan, Mort. (This translates to $25.37 from Geek Speak.)

NFW: $30, ofcmark

Raketa: $33.33, Gerdson.

Casio: No bids

Elgin: No bids

Android: No bids.

Three days and nine hours to go. Let's get some money raised, you fucking planks!

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 10th 2015, 4:54pm
by Mortuus
o.k. i beed de tin dulars fore de cassy-ho auntie-deejee tympeace. now four raist off ewe, vye fornutt yew mekk beeds fore uddur tympeeziss? hah? deases wutchezz feet-churr mini tipes off muvmintz anuddur sitch sporklein shyknee residules awl fur Vincent price off mork hammellz stor worz butte joanne pfluggz han neykudd bresstudges wiff ful poofy femuh-9 peeyoobikal hares. sewdats 10dawlurz yoo-ess-dee 4der cassiopeyuh wrizzwoichek frykowskeeboots whiff dijikal/analoidikull dizzpleischaaften. Q the CHorrmins, pleez --------> :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :geek: :geek: :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: yassir, det's mah bebby, Nasser, doanmeenmebby. wot izz sound off doli portun remoovink brazier? yassir-arifat. jonik corsun wuzzferryfunik 2meklaff beck innuh susan dey. :!:

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 10th 2015, 5:58pm
by conjurer
Mortuus wrote:o.k. i beed de tin dulars fore de cassy-ho auntie-deejee tympeace. now four raist off ewe, vye fornutt yew mekk beeds fore uddur tympeeziss? hah? deases wutchezz feet-churr mini tipes off muvmintz anuddur sitch sporklein shyknee residules awl fur Vincent price off mork hammellz stor worz butte joanne pfluggz han neykudd bresstudges wiff ful poofy femuh-9 peeyoobikal hares. sewdats 10dawlurz yoo-ess-dee 4der cassiopeyuh wrizzwoichek frykowskeeboots whiff dijikal/analoidikull dizzpleischaaften. Q the CHorrmins, pleez --------> :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :geek: :geek: :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: yassir, det's mah bebby, Nasser, doanmeenmebby. wot izz sound off doli portun remoovink brazier? yassir-arifat. jonik corsun wuzzferryfunik 2meklaff beck innuh susan dey. :!:


Alas, I need a good Lord to translate this for me. Thanks!

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 10th 2015, 6:29pm
by NorthCountry
conjurer wrote:
Mortuus wrote:o.k. i beed de tin dulars fore de cassy-ho auntie-deejee tympeace. now four raist off ewe, vye fornutt yew mekk beeds fore uddur tympeeziss? hah? deases wutchezz feet-churr mini tipes off muvmintz anuddur sitch sporklein shyknee residules awl fur Vincent price off mork hammellz stor worz butte joanne pfluggz han neykudd bresstudges wiff ful poofy femuh-9 peeyoobikal hares. sewdats 10dawlurz yoo-ess-dee 4der cassiopeyuh wrizzwoichek frykowskeeboots whiff dijikal/analoidikull dizzpleischaaften. Q the CHorrmins, pleez --------> :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :geek: :geek: :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: yassir, det's mah bebby, Nasser, doanmeenmebby. wot izz sound off doli portun remoovink brazier? yassir-arifat. jonik corsun wuzzferryfunik 2meklaff beck innuh susan dey. :!:


Alas, I need a good Lord to translate this for me. Thanks!


I believe he bid 10 dollars on the Casio once in the beginning and then he bumped his own bid by declaring another 10 dollar bid. Or not.

Fwiw, I had a scream of a time reading all that, good job you cocks.

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 10th 2015, 6:36pm
by ocean
conjurer wrote:
Mortuus wrote:o.k. i beed de tin dulars fore de cassy-ho auntie-deejee tympeace. now four raist off ewe, vye fornutt yew mekk beeds fore uddur tympeeziss? hah? deases wutchezz feet-churr mini tipes off muvmintz anuddur sitch sporklein shyknee residules awl fur Vincent price off mork hammellz stor worz butte joanne pfluggz han neykudd bresstudges wiff ful poofy femuh-9 peeyoobikal hares. sewdats 10dawlurz yoo-ess-dee 4der cassiopeyuh wrizzwoichek frykowskeeboots whiff dijikal/analoidikull dizzpleischaaften. Q the CHorrmins, pleez --------> :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :geek: :geek: :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: yassir, det's mah bebby, Nasser, doanmeenmebby. wot izz sound off doli portun remoovink brazier? yassir-arifat. jonik corsun wuzzferryfunik 2meklaff beck innuh susan dey. :!:


Alas, I need a good Lord to translate this for me. Thanks!



I have no fucking idea what Mort is spewing .

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 10th 2015, 6:38pm
by ocean
He broke Google translate.

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 10th 2015, 7:35pm
by biglove
$15 on the Casio

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 10th 2015, 8:09pm
by hcharles
$20 each for the Elgin and the Android.

Re: 2015 Holiday Shriners Auction--Finale!

PostPosted: December 10th 2015, 8:49pm
by Mortuus
ocean wrote:
conjurer wrote:
Mortuus wrote:o.k. i beed de tin dulars fore de cassy-ho auntie-deejee tympeace. now four raist off ewe, vye fornutt yew mekk beeds fore uddur tympeeziss? hah? deases wutchezz feet-churr mini tipes off muvmintz anuddur sitch sporklein shyknee residules awl fur Vincent price off mork hammellz stor worz butte joanne pfluggz han neykudd bresstudges wiff ful poofy femuh-9 peeyoobikal hares. sewdats 10dawlurz yoo-ess-dee 4der cassiopeyuh wrizzwoichek frykowskeeboots whiff dijikal/analoidikull dizzpleischaaften. Q the CHorrmins, pleez --------> :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :geek: :geek: :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: yassir, det's mah bebby, Nasser, doanmeenmebby. wot izz sound off doli portun remoovink brazier? yassir-arifat. jonik corsun wuzzferryfunik 2meklaff beck innuh susan dey. :!:


Alas, I need a good Lord to translate this for me. Thanks!


I have no fucking idea what Mort is spewing .


Mort don't spew NOTHING ewe fucking plank Mort is a artiste of werd sculptoring stupid cock.

Here ore your're trench-legions, Cockjectorer plank, bye DAMN:

Mort Translayshunned wrote:Very well, then, I will now bid $10 USD for the Casio ana-digi watch. Perhaps now the rest of you cheap, hectoring bastards will start bidding for the other timepieces instead of fingering your anal openings and telling everyone that you're just trying to take an accurate temperature.

Well? How about it? At least one of you snot-sculptures ought to route out the change from beneath your couch cushions and come up with something of a bid!

These watches feature many alluring functions and features that even diseased weasel-cocks like you might find entertaining and interesting. They shine and sparkle, and could bring beauty to even the most Mondaine mundane of existances. Instead of paying top dollar for Mark Hamill Star Wars™ Collector Butt Plugs®, why not lay out a little bit of change -- no heavier than Pippa Middleton's flowery-smelling pudenda fuzz® -- and get yourself a real wristwatch?

So to reiterate: I have bid $25.37 USD on the Suunto, and now $10 USD on the Casio ana-digi, and you planks now need to step up to the five-sided rubber mat and start bidding. You fucking cheap fucking fucks!

Cue the Germans, please --------> :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :geek: :geek: :geek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: (Yep, that's them, thanks!) Now, are you seriously going to let these weiswurst-eating, lederhosen-wearing, lager-guzzling, scat-porn producing, accordion-playing PLANKS outBID you?

Cue Karnak: "The answer is 'Yassir Arafat'."
Ed: "Yassir Arafat."
Karnak opens the envelope and reads: "Describe the sound of Dolly Parton removing her bra."


//end transylation fucking cocks//


NOW START BIDDING, YOU G'FINGURPOKIN' PLANKS!