Watch forum cliches

Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby Pubbie » October 5th 2017, 9:31am

Yep, a great big pile of entertaining shit right there :)

"Acquired" with "funds", did you? No, you "bought" with "money", you self-aggrandising numpty!
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby Racer-X » October 5th 2017, 9:50am

'Net to me'. Great, now I have to do maths.
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby AntFarm » October 5th 2017, 1:21pm

+4%
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby conjurer » October 5th 2017, 6:52pm

Punches well above its weight.
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby Datsun240Z71 » October 6th 2017, 4:11am

Invicta Limited Edition
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby codguy » October 6th 2017, 4:39am

- Not my taste but GLWS

- I don't have the funds but GLWS

- Nice looking watch, GLWS
.

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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby relaxer7 » October 6th 2017, 8:11am

'Not bonding with it'
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby conjurer » October 6th 2017, 9:08am

Service history is unknown.

i.e. watch has never been serviced and running fifty seconds slow a day.
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby foghorn » October 6th 2017, 9:16am

conjurer wrote:
and running fifty seconds slow a day.



Like a 7s26
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby TemerityB » October 6th 2017, 12:32pm

foghorn wrote:Like a 7s26


:lol:
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby MKTheVintageBloke » October 6th 2017, 12:57pm

conjurer wrote:Service history is unknown.

i.e. watch has never been serviced and running fifty seconds slow a day.

More of a seller newspeak cliche, rather than a forum cliche, but nevertheless, it's spot on.

Here's a seller (and fleecer of any sort) newspeak dictionary...

Patina: water damage, an imaginary deterioration to a redial/relume, cracking paint. Rarely does it honestly refer to actual patina.

The watch is working: The hands move, but whether they do as they should or not, that remains unknown.

Good condition: A ghastly wreck.

Very good condtion: Acceptable, borderline good.

Excellent condition: Good to very good condition.

Minty: Since the word itself is fucking ridiculous, and that adjective is almost always a lie, it is unnecessary to elaborate on it.

NOS or "like NOS": The former often a lie, the latter - always a lie, or at least intentionally misleading.

Original, refurbished dial: a fucking redial done on the same piece of metal that the original coat of paint used to be on.

Calatrava: A trick known as the Calatrava Houdini, is a magic trick - call a simple, three-hand dress watch a Calatrava and blag ten times its worth.

Oversize: referring to everything above 34mm as oversized, because allegedly anything bigger was uncommon. Which is, of course, a load of bollocks.

Rare: Always a lie, unless it can be proven true by actual resources/documents.

Military: Anything with lumed hands and dial, from the 1930s or the 1940s. Early 1950s as well. Of course, regardless of whether it actually was issued to the military or not...

Spider dial: The paint is cracking, because the manufacturer (in this case, usually Rolex) has fucked up with the choice of dial paint.

Tropical dial: Usually a brown-ish aging/fading to black dials, the term is often used to hype water-damaged dials.

Daytona movement: Valjoux 72 is Valjoux 72, and unless it's in a fucking Daytona, it's not a Daytona movement.

Compax (any Compax): Unless it's a Universal Geneve, no, it's not a fucking model name.

Compressor-style: Either it's an EPSA Compressor/Super-Compressor, or it isn't. If it isn't, fuck off, it's not a Compressor.

Diver: Oh, seriously, that chrome-plated pin-lever without a screw down crown is a diver? No fucking way. If it wasn't meant as a diver's watch, i.e. to actually withstand a dive, it's not a fucking diver.

Exotic dial: No one fucking knows what that is, but it's enough for the seller to blag from a few hundred to a few thousand more for a dirt common watch.

"...rare calibre Omega 321...": Another fucking lie, used to hype Lemania CH27 C12-powered chronographs, regardless of whether they were made by Omega or not.

Recently serviced: Better have it inspected immediately.

Waterproof: Not any longer.

Small dents and scratches: Usually the case looks as if someone used it as a hammer.

Oxidation: It's rust, you pillock!

Overwound: It doesn't fucking work. Crown doesn't move any further (fully wound, movement stuck with old, tar-like grease) or turns loosely (broken mainspring, bridle or click, optionally a dislocated or broken click spring).

Professionally refurbished/restored: Vandalism committed by an ape with a paintbrush, and a slow-witted handyman with a ton of Cape Cods.

"I'm an expert": Says who?

"I'm a horologist": No, you're fucking not.

"It's a no-brainer": You've got to have no brain to buy it.

It's [the same thing] for less": No, it isn't, and you'll overpay ten times.
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby Pubbie » October 6th 2017, 1:26pm

Brilliant.

"I'm a horologist" - that sounds pretty nasty, you should get a cream for that
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby AJC » October 7th 2017, 9:54am

The "hand in the pocket" shot.

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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby biglove » October 7th 2017, 10:15am

AJC wrote:The "hand in the pocket" shot.

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Sweet Jeebus, yes. And the standing shot where you can see both shoes with the watch centered between them.
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby AlbertaTime » October 7th 2017, 4:06pm

biglove wrote:And the standing shot where you can see both shoes with the watch centered between them.


AKA the "rabbit " shot.
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Re: Watch forum cliches

Postby biglove » October 7th 2017, 4:16pm

AlbertaTime wrote:
biglove wrote:And the standing shot where you can see both shoes with the watch centered between them.


AKA the "rabbit " shot.


Yep. Makes me want to vomit and shove a chopstick in my brain.
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