The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

Postby conjurer » September 17th 2017, 7:53pm

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So I was heading down to the Dog 'n' Suds on the corner of Sikh and Fifth for a vegi-burger--yum-oh, as the cooking flake with great tits on the TV says--and I run into my old pal, Tensing Nooma.

"Hey, Tensing! The fuck you doing, bro?"

And he says, "Greetings, your holiness! And what's the 14th Dalai Lama up to today?"

I notice that Tensing is wearing, for fuck's sakes, an Invicta--one of those big-ass ones that looks like a limpet mine. So I kinda sorta shoot the cuff of my saffron robe to kinda scratch my bald head, and expose my Patek, ref. 658. And Tensing, who ain't ever gonna split the atom, if you get my drift, says, "Dang, Dalai, that's a nice watch. What is that, one of those Kansas City Pocket Watches you see on TV?"

Now, since I've known the fuck, Tensing has always specialized in breaking my balls. Today, evidently, wasn't gonna be no exception. So I say, "Tensing, you know who gave me this watch? Franklin Delano fucking Roosevelt gave me this watch, you cocksucker, and it ain't no fucking Kansas City Pocket watch, you dizzy fuck."

"No? What is it, then?"

"It's a motherfucking Patek moonphase with complete calendar, you dipshit."

"Wow. What's the holiest man in Tibet wearing something like that for? I mean, you could hock the thing, and use the money to spare the lives of thousands of cows! Then, you could buy an Invicta like this--which is just as good--and use it against the People's Army when they come to reeducate you."

"Aww, go fuck yourself, Tensing. Don't you have a turban to coil or something? Go ahead and do some fucking thing."

"Next thing you know," said Tensing, who apparently didn't want to go do some fucking thing, "you'll be wearing a Rolex. You'll be stylin' and profilin'."

"I got two Rollies, you fuckhead. A Day-Date and a Datejust, you homo."

"Would Lord Vishnu wear a Rolex?" said Tensing. He started laughing really hard, so I kicked him in the balls and then went into the greasy spoon for a satisfying vegi-burger.

THE END
Johannes! My knees are trembling from banging her so hard with my rod!

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Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

Postby biglove » September 18th 2017, 5:26am

That is one fine story, sir.
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Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

Postby foghorn » September 18th 2017, 6:33am

Hello Dalai,nice to see you here.
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Finding out the time is about as difficult as finding a cheesburger.
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Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

Postby Falstaff » September 18th 2017, 8:01am

The great stories just keep coming! Jeebus, don't you Everest?
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Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

Postby conjurer » September 18th 2017, 4:57pm

Interestingly, when I wrote this, I was dead sober.
Johannes! My knees are trembling from banging her so hard with my rod!

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Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

Postby 3Flushes » September 18th 2017, 5:05pm

That made me smile broadly-

Patek made him one with everything (sorry).
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Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

Postby AntFarm » September 19th 2017, 2:56pm

That was very funny. Nice job.
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Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

Postby TemerityB » September 19th 2017, 7:39pm

The "THE END" made me laugh so hard, I plotzed. Nothing like a Three Stooge ending to fine prose!
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Re: The Dalai Lama Cracks Wise

Postby relaxer7 » September 20th 2017, 1:35am

Seems legit lolz.
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